While I’m At It

I’m soooooooo sorry about cutting you off, dude in the Honda Civic!  I was in a rush to get to…in front of you, and you know how it is.  Still friends?  Ok yaaayyy!  This is for you:


Dear Woman Who Cut Me Off On the 5 Freeway

I hope you made it to your destination a whole 1.8 seconds faster and that you were in a terrific mood when you got there. 

I shouldn’t have sworn at you, or called you a miserable cunt.  You probably have kids.  From the look of you, you probably have grandkids.  That wasn’t very nice, let me try again:

I hope your grandkids aren’t assholes like you, but they probably are.

Not quite gracious. One more try:

Burn in hell.


The Art of Making Mistakes

I’m really terrible at lots of things.  Really, ask anyone.  Working out? Irregular at best. Cooking? Once I wipe the dust off my stove.  Sports? HAHAHAHA GET OUT.

The one thing I’m really spectacular at is making mistakes.  Constantly.  Yesterday, for example, I got to hear allll about a mistake I made on an event order last week at work.  All about it! All day! Wheeeee!!! Making mistakes used to destroy me but now that I’ve gone pro, it doesn’t even bother me when a Chef makes 4 jokes at my expense to my boss in a day. It certainly doesn’t bother me enough to write a blog about it.

And even with this blog, this great experiment in trying new things, I made the mistake of forgetting that life gets in the way and let it fall to the wayside.  From this mistake I have learned to stop declaring things to the great space of the internet unless I can back my shit up.  And I’ve got a pretty stuffed resume when it comes to mistakes.

Let’s see how this one pans out.  Terribly, I hope!


Bought wine, made a blog out of it.

Bought wine, made a blog out of it.